Scott Pilgrim
Philadelphia 76ers
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Post by Scott Pilgrim on May 5, 2019 9:14:20 GMT -5
haha so just had my 1st breakup with obviously my 1st ever real relationship, whats are some good strats this topic might be a bit cringe for a few of you guys, but go ahead and give ya 10 cents on how to deal with breakups or some reflection on my own story, thanks guys. you're the best NBA sim community I've had, and I've had a total of 1 NBA sim communities! Edit: If you want the short story, met this girl online on a Year 12 exam year Facebook group, long distance relationship but only a 3.5 hour train away. For 2 months we video called everyday varying from three to even like SIX hour sessions, connected pretty well with this girl there was reason we could talk to each other for so long each day, so many goddamn similarities haha.
After those 2 months we finally met up in the holidays at the city, spent 2 days there and crossed many bases, if you know what I mean. No intercourse though. Both of us really enjoyed those two days, before that we were both really nervous about meeting each other cause we both haven't gone into long distance relationships, but we connected so very well on those two days, was amazing both of us. Showed me around the city, pretty romantic tbh.
After that, the video calls continued for a few days but the schedule sorta began to stutter a bit, was responding a bit weird sometimes in texts. 4 days after the visit, she was at a party and she was going home, she messaged me with along the lines of "I don't deserve you", "You are too good". I didn't know what to think of it and sorta clapped back with some supporting messages. The reduced amount of communication continued after that and we lost our #1 mutual best friend thingy on snapchat (sorry for the young terminology, #1 best friend it basically means that we message each other the most on this message app).
Two days after that party, on a Monday, shit hit the fan and I got a message saying that she needed to speak to me on a video call.
The video call was really weird, and it's hard for me to remember, it all came pretty fast but I'm pretty sure she said something that she really likes talking to me, being around me, but there's a barrier, 1st time she's ever had this feeling? Also said it wasn't a friend zone thing, she was crying a lot throughout it and said she was really sorry about wasting my time for all those months of talking.
What I basically responded was that we can work things out, try some stuff to get rid of that barrier, she was a bit hesitant when I said that stuff and said kept on repeating that she didn't want me to waste any more time or effort. I basically stood my ground and said that I was ready to take the risk, even if it came to that result. I don't really remember too much else, but on the night and reflecting afterwards, I noticed she was really quick about her decision that it wasn't going to work. After days of reflection of that, I've sorta realised that normal relationships don't end this way, there's more communication to be had before you end a relationship, you're supposed to talk about the problems with your partner before you talk about ending a relationship. It sorta made me suspicious of something, and there's a bit of evidence for it, but I won't go into conclusions. :/
Here comes the fun stuff, remember the part where she said she said she really likes to interact with me still? Well here it goes.. Writing this a week away from that Monday, each day after that video call, we have barely talked on messages. Usually send an Instagram post and she'll like it, or a snapchat or two a day, the times we have talked on snapchat, it's been sorta one sided conversations, I'm usually the one sending the 1st snapchat/continuing the conversation. This week I've come accompanied to the notion of 'left on read' which is pretty fun, the last few days have been pretty bad with that :o. I don't know what she's thinking right now, but I don't know how it went from talking 4-5 hours a night on video calls to one week later probably only ending up with 5-15 minutes of snapchat messages each day. Alotta fun. Don't know it's changed so much. Really don't know.
So that's the story, pretty sure it took me 35 minutes to write. Alotta fun.
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Post by Stuff The Magic Dragon on May 5, 2019 9:15:26 GMT -5
don't take any advice from me (if this is the topic we are discussing, lol)
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Scott Pilgrim
Philadelphia 76ers
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Post by Scott Pilgrim on May 5, 2019 10:26:31 GMT -5
haha just wrote the backstory, took a bit of time :)
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billy
Miami Heat
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Post by billy on May 5, 2019 10:40:35 GMT -5
in my experience, and remember people are different, but 9/10 this is what girls do when they just wanna 'let you down easy'. maybe she met a dude that lives near her, or she just doesn't really have the time to put into a long distance thing anymore with a guy she just doesn't like as much anymore.
it COULD be something else, but 9/10 girls are liars dude. like, you'd probably do it too. imagine if you suddenly felt inside like you didn't really like her as much, or whatever. you'd probably not want to hurt her, but wouldn't want to continue to lead her on etc. etc.
this is just what i see as a person who has been dumped in ways similar to this more than i can count
BUT it means it wouldn't have worked out anyway, and take the experience and strategies and stuff you've learned from this one and find another girl who will like you.
maybe, eventually, we will find one that will stay
<3
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billy
Miami Heat
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Post by billy on May 5, 2019 10:46:19 GMT -5
also, you're hitting that age where girls are super excited that they are hot and every guy in the world wants to be with them. it might be fun trying to find 'the one' now, but even if you do one of you will probably end up fucking it up because you're young and stupid. life and relationships for you right now is about gaining experience and trying to date different types of people.
you'll end up finding out the type of girls you 'like' are terrible and maybe end up finding you like entirely different types of girls.
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Scott Pilgrim
Philadelphia 76ers
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Post by Scott Pilgrim on May 5, 2019 11:07:54 GMT -5
billy thanks billy, means a lot to get your advice. <3 Yeah, I was sorta heading out of that Monday video call optimistic but with the days that followed, I've sorta come to terms that the 'plan' isn't going to work. What get's me sad is the amount of difference you can see when you compare the last week we were together in the city and before that, compared to just a week later, felt like it couldn't have changed that dramatically unless there was some really special circumstances. After a week of reflection, I really think it was that first option. Explains a lot. I've sorta had suspicion of it after that Monday based on some other stuff I learnt.
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Post by Stuff The Magic Dragon on May 5, 2019 11:27:37 GMT -5
I'm guessing she doesn't like you enough. Long distance relationship don't usually work tbh Also, the rapport/foundation of your relationship was not that strong to begin with.
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2019 11:36:19 GMT -5
Im gonna step in this 1 and agree with 97% of what billy said here! Ive been married twice now - 7 kids total so im pretty sure ive done, heard, and seen it all when it comes to this! And now watching my 17 year old daughter turn into a ragging lunatic about the weirdest stuff fits in with this! #1 scott your young and worth so much more which you will find out! I know it can hurt and sting this will happen several times over your dating lifetime and thays perfectly natural and ok 👌 #2 just reading the article sounds like billy said she probably met someone closer and it might be eating her up but thats what they do when they go through that im hotter than crap and every dude that wants a piece is willing to do what they got to do till a girl falls for it than the good dude they screwed over is left hanging and it frickin sucks buddy! My advice just stay being you and do your thing in school and before you know it another 1 will come along and this will be nothing but a distant memory brother!!
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Scott Pilgrim
Philadelphia 76ers
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Post by Scott Pilgrim on May 5, 2019 11:44:46 GMT -5
I'm guessing she doesn't like you enough. Long distance relationship don't usually work tbh Also, the rapport/foundation of your relationship was not that strong to begin with. Thanks for the analysis stuff :) What I forgot to mention, is that we were already planning days in between the school term when could meet when we could (like public holidays, queens birthday) sorta hinting it was going really strong and she wanted to continue, a few days after that 1st meet up. It really caught me off-guard when she said that stuff on the video call on the Monday, nothing like that was hinted before in anything. Guess it sorta meant something came up recently, I dunno.
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Scott Pilgrim
Philadelphia 76ers
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Post by Scott Pilgrim on May 5, 2019 11:53:29 GMT -5
#2 just reading the article sounds like billy said she probably met someone closer and it might be eating her up but thats what they do when they go through that im hotter than crap and every dude that wants a piece is willing to do what they got to do till a girl falls for it than the good dude they screwed over is left hanging and it frickin sucks buddy! My advice just stay being you and do your thing in school and before you know it another 1 will come along and this will be nothing but a distant memory brother!! Thanks for the advice KG, nice seeing the point of view of a father, sorta gives another glimpse for me on how to interpret these things. Still sorta dealing with it now, hardest part is not having that usual dopamine rush I usually have talking to her every afternoon! Need to fill that schedule I left open for her and maybe focus on that schoolwork. Maybe that'll get my mind off, but right now its even hard to focus on my homework haha. Right now the plan is to sorta have one final video call with her and sorta get out the real reason why everything happened. Sorta just give me some closure on what happened with the relationship. Then maybe just delete her off social media for a while and uninstalling that video calling app. Would be a nice fresh start.
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Theodore Duncan
Portland Trail Blazers
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Post by Theodore Duncan on May 5, 2019 12:24:20 GMT -5
If she is up for the final call... sure, but don't expect any magic words that give you a closure. Regardless of what she will say it will still suck and you will stay hurting since you clearly cared for her. As she already said to you she has problems talking her feeling out loud, which is pretty normal for most people. That's the reason people use the lame "it's not you, it's me" breakup lines. What matters is that she doesn't want to be together anymore. Regardless of the reason, you have to respect that and move on. I definitely recommend blocking/unfollowing her from your social media. You don't want to end up seeing some photo of her having fun while you are feeling miserable Generally it's important to learn to be happy with yourself. Once you got that down, then also any future relationships will be great. And there will be for sure new girls. :) It's good to keep yourself busy in the beginning. If you have problems focusing on schoolwork.. go to gym or shoot some hoops. for the fresh start
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Scott Pilgrim
Philadelphia 76ers
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Post by Scott Pilgrim on May 5, 2019 12:47:28 GMT -5
Thanks Theo, some really good advice :) Yeah, I probably shouldn't be expecting much from it but would always be nice to get a definite reason, even if it would really hurt. Hmm... gotta agree with you on that "it's not you, it's me" stuff, sorta got idea from the conversation and it's just so cliche, when you hear it... you already know that's not the reason. Once I got this existing schoolwork outta the way, for sure I'll start heading out to the gym, will get my mind out of this mess. And give me some small goals I can pursue, alongside helping with the looks department ;) Thanks again.
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Shaq O'Neal
LA Clippers
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Post by Shaq O'Neal on May 5, 2019 13:18:20 GMT -5
I am pretty useless on this topic but I will point out that this is like the only time Billy and KG have agreed lol
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Logan Hough
Memphis Grizzlies
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Post by Logan Hough on May 5, 2019 13:42:41 GMT -5
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Post by Ron Artest(1x Champ) on May 5, 2019 14:40:04 GMT -5
These guys have pretty much covered it, she probably has a new guy, girls just don’t do a 180 out of the blue. It’s likely this was building up for weeks. I’ll give you some future advice
1. Try and stay away from long distance relationships, more often than not they end like this
2. Don’t put your eggs in one basket, try and withhold emotion/attachment to women, honestly at your age I wouldn’t even entertain relationships. Most women are liars, and not worth the time and effort. It’s just how the shit goes, and you’re so young you haven’t even scratched the surface of fuckery that you’ll encounter.
3. Always pay attention to the red flags, if all of a sudden they’re slow to respond, or just don’t respond at all to messages, or don’t initiate phone contact or physical contact, they’ve more than likely checked out. They’re probably already talking to your replacement or worse.
4. In the event of number 3, don’t trip, don’t get in your feelings, just move on, and go No Contact, holding on and still wanting to talk/or allowing them to contact you will only make it harder for both parties to move on. Unfollow, and or block on Social Media, and occupy yourself with activities and such that you enjoy.
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billy
Miami Heat
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Post by billy on May 5, 2019 15:11:51 GMT -5
Some of 720s best moments came after billy breakups
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Yeezy
Dallas Mavericks
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Post by Yeezy on May 5, 2019 15:16:10 GMT -5
All I'll ever remember from this thread is KG saying he's a hotter than crap and dudes like it (see screenshot)
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Theodore Duncan
Portland Trail Blazers
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Post by Theodore Duncan on May 5, 2019 15:16:55 GMT -5
These guys have pretty much covered it, she probably has a new guy, girls just don’t do a 180 out of the blue. It’s likely this was building up for weeks. I’ll give you some future advice 1. Try and stay away from long distance relationships, more often than not they end like this 2. Don’t put your eggs in one basketball, try and withhold emotion/attachment to women, honestly at your age I wouldn’t even entertain relationships. Most women are liars, and not worth the time and effort. It’s just how the shit goes, and you’re so young you haven’t even scratched the surface of fuckery that you’ll encounter. 3. Always pay attention to the red flags, if all of a sudden they’re slow to respond, or just don’t respond at all to messages, or don’t initiate phone contact or physical contact, they’ve more than likely checked out. They’re probably already talking to your replacement or worse. 4. In the event of number 3, don’t trip, don’t get in your feelings, just move on, and go NTC, holding on and still wanting to talk/or allowing them to contact you will only make it harder for both parties to move on. Unfollow, and or block on Social Media, and occupy yourself with activities and such that you enjoy. 1. Agree. Done few myself. Not worth doing in most cases
2. This is absolute bullshit advice and attitude. Don't listen to this. Women are no different than men and saying thing like "women are liars" is really in the same level as saying " most muslims are.." or "most black/asian/etc are...". If you have had bad experiences with women, it's really stupid to assume that every women will be the same. And definitely it's stupid to try to poison others with the same negative attitude. If you keep positive attitude and try to meet girls that like the same things than you it will 100% sure work out in the end.. but maybe if you go for some shallow types with good looks but shitty personality, you will get end up with shitty situations. Once you get older, you will learn. Trust me. If we would have competition who has had craziest girlfriend/breakup story, I'm pretty sure I would win that shit. But after one bad experience that I have had many wonderful relationships, which I definitely would have not found if I thought every woman would be like my crazy ex.
3. Of course it makes sense to pay attention to red flags and something changing.. but again being already negative about something before something has happened is just setting yourself for failure.. communicate, communicate.. if something seems off.. ask about it
How the hell did I end up giving relationship advice on basketball forum :D
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Yeezy
Dallas Mavericks
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Post by Yeezy on May 5, 2019 15:22:02 GMT -5
This "all women" shit is cringey y'all don't be like that...
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Post by Ron Artest(1x Champ) on May 5, 2019 16:37:35 GMT -5
This "all women" shit is cringey y'all don't be like that... I said most, but I’m referring to those around our age, 18-23 (extremely irrational, of not a flat out liar/bullshitter). There are some that you can consider genuinely good women, but the chances of him finding a girl he’s gonna spend like the next 50 years of his life with is slim to none, so the sooner he realizes he shouldn’t be looking for that out of a relationship the better it’ll be when the breakup happens.
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Post by Ron Artest(1x Champ) on May 5, 2019 16:50:19 GMT -5
These guys have pretty much covered it, she probably has a new guy, girls just don’t do a 180 out of the blue. It’s likely this was building up for weeks. I’ll give you some future advice 1. Try and stay away from long distance relationships, more often than not they end like this 2. Don’t put your eggs in one basketball, try and withhold emotion/attachment to women, honestly at your age I wouldn’t even entertain relationships. Most women are liars, and not worth the time and effort. It’s just how the shit goes, and you’re so young you haven’t even scratched the surface of fuckery that you’ll encounter. 3. Always pay attention to the red flags, if all of a sudden they’re slow to respond, or just don’t respond at all to messages, or don’t initiate phone contact or physical contact, they’ve more than likely checked out. They’re probably already talking to your replacement or worse. 4. In the event of number 3, don’t trip, don’t get in your feelings, just move on, and go NTC, holding on and still wanting to talk/or allowing them to contact you will only make it harder for both parties to move on. Unfollow, and or block on Social Media, and occupy yourself with activities and such that you enjoy. 1. Agree. Done few myself. Not worth doing in most cases
2. This is absolute bullshit advice and attitude. Don't listen to this. Women are no different than men and saying thing like "women are liars" is really in the same level as saying " most muslims are.." or "most black/asian/etc are...". If you have had bad experiences with women, it's really stupid to assume that every women will be the same. And definitely it's stupid to try to poison others with the same negative attitude. If you keep positive attitude and try to meet girls that like the same things than you it will 100% sure work out in the end.. but maybe if you go for some shallow types with good looks but shitty personality, you will get end up with shitty situations. Once you get older, you will learn. Trust me. If we would have competition who has had craziest girlfriend/breakup story, I'm pretty sure I would win that shit. But after one bad experience that I have had many wonderful relationships, which I definitely would have not found if I thought every woman would be like my crazy ex.
3. Of course it makes sense to pay attention to red flags and something changing.. but again being already negative about something before something has happened is just setting yourself for failure.. communicate, communicate.. if something seems off.. ask about it
How the hell did I end up giving relationship advice on basketball forum :D
bruh how you gonna criticize me for generalizing women in your POV, but then throw a shot and say if you try and meet women with the same interests it’ll work out 100%(A big ass lie), but if you go for women with good looks instead of a good personality your relationship will fail 😅. No ALL women aren’t liars, but most around his age play games, as they’re immature, and mostly mentally. As he gets older, obviously the chances of dealing with fuckery decreases, but right now, the best advice for him would be to not focus on relationships, and if he does get into one, the goal of turning it into a ltr is unrealistic. Long distance relationships in particular fail majority of the time because the lack of companionship and intimacy(someone will cheat 90% of the time) that’s just the reality. He’s not absolved for criticism either, as illogical as women are, men fuck up just as bad and don’t even realize it in a lot of instances.
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Post by Stuff The Magic Dragon on May 5, 2019 18:21:34 GMT -5
Some of 720s best moments came after billy breakups like the Beatles breaking up?
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Post by Stuff The Magic Dragon on May 5, 2019 18:27:04 GMT -5
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billy
Miami Heat
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Post by billy on May 5, 2019 18:47:29 GMT -5
A wise man once told me
Don’t put pussy on a pedestal
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Jackie Kong
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Post by Jackie Kong on May 5, 2019 21:16:16 GMT -5
All I'll ever remember from this thread is KG saying he's a hotter than crap and dudes like it (see screenshot) Maybe he was referring to his brain temperature when people comment on his trades. Be like
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Jackie Kong
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Post by Jackie Kong on May 5, 2019 21:36:38 GMT -5
or worse, a Bradley Beal Stockwatch. Brain Explosion.
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billy
Miami Heat
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Post by billy on May 6, 2019 5:26:15 GMT -5
1. Agree. Done few myself. Not worth doing in most cases 2. This is absolute bullshit advice and attitude. Don't listen to this. Women are no different than men and saying thing like "women are liars" is really in the same level as saying " most muslims are.." or "most black/asian/etc are...". If you have had bad experiences with women, it's really stupid to assume that every women will be the same. And definitely it's stupid to try to poison others with the same negative attitude. If you keep positive attitude and try to meet girls that like the same things than you it will 100% sure work out in the end.. but maybe if you go for some shallow types with good looks but shitty personality, you will get end up with shitty situations. Once you get older, you will learn. Trust me. If we would have competition who has had craziest girlfriend/breakup story, I'm pretty sure I would win that shit. But after one bad experience that I have had many wonderful relationships, which I definitely would have not found if I thought every woman would be like my crazy ex. 3. Of course it makes sense to pay attention to red flags and something changing.. but again being already negative about something before something has happened is just setting yourself for failure.. communicate, communicate.. if something seems off.. ask about it How the hell did I end up giving relationship advice on basketball forum :D
bruh how you gonna criticize me for generalizing women in your POV, but then throw a shot and say if you try and meet women with the same interests it’ll work out 100%(A big ass lie), but if you go for women with good looks instead of a good personality your relationship will fail 😅. No ALL women aren’t liars, but most around his age play games, as they’re immature, and mostly mentally. As he gets older, obviously the chances of dealing with fuckery decreases, but right now, the best advice for him would be to not focus on relationships, and if he does get into one, the goal of turning it into a ltr is unrealistic. Long distance relationships in particular fail majority of the time because the lack of companionship and intimacy(someone will cheat 90% of the time) that’s just the reality. He’s not absolved for criticism either, as illogical as women are, men fuck up just as bad and don’t even realize it in a lot of instances. I disagree that you should avoid relationships. I will say you should avoid clinging to relationships that are failing, though. I’ve been in a few relationships I thought were “the one”. I was engaged once for a few years as well. In every time I thought I had gotten the one I didn’t let those ones die without a lot of kicking and screaming. Afterwards though it always becomes obviously all the flaws in the relationship, and you find out what you like that works and won’t work for you. There are girls I used to really like and be attracted to that now I can identify right away that the relationship wouldn’t work. Saves me a lot of time. You identify the red flags easier, and you can’t do that from reading books or advice from a bunch of near incels on a simulation basketball forum. I don’t regret any of the relationships I was in, I do regret sticking around some of them for so long though while I (or both of us) were miserable.
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Post by Brian Scalabrine on May 6, 2019 19:16:38 GMT -5
I'll be honest, this was a bit of a TLDR for me, however:
I just now am in the middle of something that has me a little f'd up romantically--feeling all that sappy shit but it's not super likely to work out. What did I do? I went out in the middle of the desert, with some good old friends of mine, and did some acid and other drugs. I feel a lot better now.
Maybe that's not your thing--I wouldn't encourage folks who aren't about drugs to go do them just bc they're sad. Personally, I happy to be hippie trash from Eugene, Oregon, so this fits my pre-existing MO. But, my point is, get with some people who you know are dependable and you enjoy, and do something a little adventurous to get your mind off things, maybe that can shift your perspective to feeling more content with where you are and where you're going. Remind yourself who you are, that you have great qualities, and that people want to be with you. Good luck man.
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Post by Brian Scalabrine on May 6, 2019 19:19:26 GMT -5
bruh how you gonna criticize me for generalizing women in your POV, but then throw a shot and say if you try and meet women with the same interests it’ll work out 100%(A big ass lie), but if you go for women with good looks instead of a good personality your relationship will fail 😅. No ALL women aren’t liars, but most around his age play games, as they’re immature, and mostly mentally. As he gets older, obviously the chances of dealing with fuckery decreases, but right now, the best advice for him would be to not focus on relationships, and if he does get into one, the goal of turning it into a ltr is unrealistic. Long distance relationships in particular fail majority of the time because the lack of companionship and intimacy(someone will cheat 90% of the time) that’s just the reality. He’s not absolved for criticism either, as illogical as women are, men fuck up just as bad and don’t even realize it in a lot of instances. I disagree that you should avoid relationships. I will say you should avoid clinging to relationships that are failing, though. I’ve been in a few relationships I thought were “the one”. I was engaged once for a few years as well. In every time I thought I had gotten the one I didn’t let those ones die without a lot of kicking and screaming. Afterwards though it always becomes obviously all the flaws in the relationship, and you find out what you like that works and won’t work for you. There are girls I used to really like and be attracted to that now I can identify right away that the relationship wouldn’t work. Saves me a lot of time. You identify the red flags easier, and you can’t do that from reading books or advice from a bunch of near incels on a simulation basketball forum. I don’t regret any of the relationships I was in, I do regret sticking around some of them for so long though while I (or both of us) were miserable. Really dragging us with this "near incels" jab, Billy. I assumed we were all normal dudes of probably average attractiveness.
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billy
Miami Heat
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Post by billy on May 6, 2019 19:42:50 GMT -5
I disagree that you should avoid relationships. I will say you should avoid clinging to relationships that are failing, though. I’ve been in a few relationships I thought were “the one”. I was engaged once for a few years as well. In every time I thought I had gotten the one I didn’t let those ones die without a lot of kicking and screaming. Afterwards though it always becomes obviously all the flaws in the relationship, and you find out what you like that works and won’t work for you. There are girls I used to really like and be attracted to that now I can identify right away that the relationship wouldn’t work. Saves me a lot of time. You identify the red flags easier, and you can’t do that from reading books or advice from a bunch of near incels on a simulation basketball forum. I don’t regret any of the relationships I was in, I do regret sticking around some of them for so long though while I (or both of us) were miserable. Really dragging us with this "near incels" jab, Billy. I assumed we were all normal dudes of probably average attractiveness. Pics or gtfo
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